80 days of testosterone

In my first 80 days of testosterone I started a new job, decided to quit my new job, began to move out of the house I’d lived in for 7 years, spent a fortnight caring for / hiding from my covid-addled boyfriend, sort of broke up with him, also broke up with the girl I thought I’d marry, broke my phone, had to take my car to the mechanic for a new head gasket, and turned 36, so if you don’t want any of those things to happen then you should avoid taking t.

Physical changes

Surprisingly, there’s nothing much to report. The thing I’ve noticed most has been my enjoyment of exercise. This probably has a lot to do with stress, since I have a lot more things to run away from and punch these days. But running and lifting weights feels pleasurable in a way it didn’t before, and even just sitting around in a body with muscles in it is more pleasing. My guns are coming along slowly, though I’m still not very toned by any means. I’m still the weakest person at the gym. So far, the main effect of t has been to make me want to exercise more, rather than just bulk me up without effort.

It’s harder to make facial expressions and I’m not sure if it’s a physical change or an emotional one. If it’s a fat redistribution thing then it’s not the only one. My hips and thighs are more angular and less round now, and it’s such a goddamn relief. Unfortunately all the fat has gone to my tum. My front from my sternum to my hips has gone a bit flabby, even with all this extra exercise. If I eat a big meal, I look really rectangular, which I hate.

My skin is oilier now, and I’m sweating more. I’ve also noticed my body odor has changed and is stronger. It’s been a slight hassle, but it’s manageable. I had incredibly dry skin before, so not having to butter myself with moisturiser every few hours is quite good actually. I was already prescribed tretinoin for other reasons, so applying that once a week has kept pimples at bay. Otherwise I take a few more showers and change my clothes more often, and it’s annoying but fine.

I have one single chin hair, and I’ve noticed the fine hairs on my chest are almost a millimetre longer. I plan to grow out my single chin hair so I can wrap it around my face like a beard, and to show off my soft fluffy chest to the entire population of Melbourne after I get top surgery. I think the fine hairs above my lips are very slightly longer.

Genitals. Skip this bit if you don’t want to know about genitals.
From what I’d read I’d expected my junk to change dramatically and quickly, especially my clit. But after 70 days all I can say is that overall, things are very slightly bigger. My outer labia, inner labia, and clit have all mildly enlarged so it all looks subtly swollen compared to before. It’s not bad, and even though this was one of the changes I was most nervous about, I don’t mind at all.

In terms of function, it’s pretty much the same. My libido isn’t higher, and my bits don’t want anything radically different than before. There was a week or so when my clit really wanted to be fellated, but it got over that pretty quickly. Orgasms aren’t easier or harder to achieve or ontologically or metaphysically different. I’m pretty pleased with how things are progressing, in terms of them not progressing.

Mental changes

It’s been pretty subtle. Overall I feel calmer. I think my emotions are dulled and things affect me less, though I’m also pretty unhappy with my crappy life. It feels like my mind is clearer, but I’m still having a hard time making decisions and thinking things through to the end. I can still cry. Maybe I’m a little quicker to anger than I used to be. People say I seem more confident. This seems like a contradictory list I guess, but 70 days is a lot of days.

In the first month of t I had incredible dysphoria and couldn’t stand to see or feel or be in my own body. It’s a little better now, a tiny little bit.

Chemical changes

In my 3 monthly blood test my doctor said I had the testosterone levels of a normal cis guy. He said that my other hormones are starting to wind down and the t is starting to take over.

Overall I’m having a pretty good time with t. The changes are less dramatic than I thought, and I’m going to continue with it for the time being. I’ll check back with you in another 70 days, when I switch from the cream to the gel.

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